This is Water, What I Want is the Ocean

A short essay on the Pixar movie "Soul"

For movie night a while back, I watched a show called “Soul”.

It’s a great little movie. The premise is about a jazz pianist named Joey who desperately wants to get a big gig playing jazz with a famous singer.

Playing jazz is Joey’s “spark.” The thing that guides and drives his life. Without it, life wouldn’t be worth living.

Throughout the movie Joey suffers trial after trial. It seems everything has been stacked against him and is preventing him from reaching his goal.

To make things worse, his mother doesn’t approve of his dream. She thinks he needs to pick an occupation that will put food on the table and jazz isn’t cutting it.

Despite all of this, near the end of the movie, Joey finally lands the gig. He fought so hard for this moment and because of his determination and persistence, his dream is coming true.

He plays that night with the lead singer and the rest of her band. It’s meant to be a trial run, but things go so well that he officially gets brought on permanently.

Not only does he get his dream, but his mom is there. At the very last moment she decides to support him. Joey gets everything he has ever wanted.

And yet, after the show, he’s out and the sidewalk staring off into the city. He seems pensive and unsure. The lead singer steps out of the building and notices him.

“You play 100, and one of them is killer. You don’t get many like tonight,” she says.

“Yeah,” Joey replies, with an awkward chuckle. “So uh, what happens next?”

“We come back tomorrow night and do it all again.”

Joey stares blankly at her and then slowly turns his head away.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“It’s just... I’ve been waiting on this day for my entire life… I thought I’d feel… different?”

The question hangs in the air for a moment. The lead singer pauses before giving her response.

I heard this story about a fish,” she says.

“He swims up to this older fish and says, ‘I’m trying to find this thing they call the ocean.’

‘The ocean?’ says the older fish. ‘That’s what ya in right now.’

’This?’ says the young fish. ‘This is water. What I want is the ocean.’”

There is a long pause as the lead singer finishes her story...

“See you tomorrow,” she says, getting in a cab and riding away.

Joey stares after her. The lights to the building behind him shut off, leaving his face in shadow.

I love this simple scene. It was my favorite part of the movie.

In gamedev and even life, I often feel I can’t appreciate the water because what I want is the majesty of the ocean.

Some moments are easy to appreciate.

It’s easy for me to appreciate the special time I get teaching my oldest daughter piano, or the adorable unrestrained giggles and hugs from my middle daughter, or the fun I have throwing my youngest daughter up into the air as she squeals in joy, or the long talks that I get to have with my sweetheart. It’s easy to look at these and say, “I see the ocean.”

But surrounding these moments, there are many others that aren’t so easy to appreciate. It’s hard not to see them and say, “this is just water.”

The truth is life is both. It’s the ocean and it’s simply just water. Our job as creatives, is to choose which one we want to see.

Thanks for reading,
Ben

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P.S. I’d guess that this scene in the movie was inspired by this talk by David Foster Wallace and I’d highly recommend watching it as well. If you’ve already seen it, I’d recommend watching it again.